Big B, the Khans and me..!

I love reading blogs, it gives me insights into what people think (at least the ones who write!)..Its interesting innovative, sometime routine but there is never a dull moment.. Thats what is so cool about celebrity blogging. Just as i know fellow blogger ramtaz(just a figment of my imagination), I know my Amitabh Bachchan, Aamir Khan or Salman Khan (or whoever else is blogging!) Well, even my Suchitra. Some of these blogs give me rare insight into a world that i have no access to (not sure whether I want the access - but whatever!). The workings of the mind of an artist is definitely worth a KNOW! Just like I know about the flu of the MBA student(blogger!!)from Singapore, I know about the German measels of Aishwarya (Rai Bachchan).
Wonder what leads celebs to blog? Its not like they really need more fame? They already have that..May be for some more? Naah - how much more famous can Big B or the Khans get? So what is it that drives them to write, what causes them to open up the lives that they were guarding with the spirit of a genie guarding a treasure? Not fame not more attention, nor more money..I would like to believe its a basic human desire to be heard..to let people know their side of the story. Sure they give interviews, interact with the media - but how much of their voice actually comes across, is questionable, So they choose the best option they have. As much as their personal lives are under constant scrutiny, its better you say it than have people say that you messed up. Again, am not so sure how many of the blogging celebs are being entirely honest (ok,not even entirely but majorly honest?)..lets assume a good percent are actually human and with their failures and short comings they are baring their souls to the world. Then the fans (of the human variety) and readers (who read all type) have a whale of a time reading the stories, the lives, the poems, the funny stuff, the media bashing..et all. Well something that's struck me though is that no matter how good an ordinary blogger is its not easy to develop a readership for your blogs, but not so if you are a celeb. You can, as a celeb, write the worst piece ever in your blog and get atleast a few hundred (if not more! ) people who claim to have loved it. Well, cant blame the celeb can you? They have done what they can, now if you thought the worthless bit was a classic, thats not really their fault. Also if not through the writing they have earned the right to be read by being good at something else. So, cant really get jealous of them either. So what is it that I do? Get vary (of them invading what was once our space- no not really!), then what? hmmm,,,Instead of getting jealous -I just chose to get inspired (no, no - not anything else!) to write my blog that I had neglected for a while. If they with their intensely hectic lives can blog as frequently then surely I can do it too..!

Oh...she did it again!

Some things seem right, some not so. If I believe that there is no such thing as right or wrong, all that exists is a perspective. What is right for you may be wrong for me and whats wrong for me may be right for you.
Then why do I feel some actions are wrong? Maybe its my perspective? I sound confused, I know.
The question in my mind is very simple, why would a girl who is madly in love with a guy and who has been with him for atleast 3 years suddenly dump him and go for another guy ( one divorce, one failed live-in relationship & a roving eye no less!)
I understand it not! I am not against people's choices. Its their choice after all! A decision as impulsive as this? I may be judging it wrong, but it bothers me.
A girl gets out of difficult relationship and meets a good samaritan. They fall in love and live happily ever after? No- they are happy together until one day the girl(with a smashing career) meets another guy (better?) and drops the good samaritan like hot potatoes and moves on quickly and how! Maybe the right guy came along a little later, so who was the good samaritan a temporary arrangement?
One fine day, can you really realise that the person I loved all along was the wrong choice? Instead the cool guy around is the right one? Well may be. It can happen but hey, not in a week's time! Give it time folks, its love- you need to nurture it , let it grow and try not to uproot it to count the roots. It takes a long time to grow into a tree, to destroy it and plant a seedling for a new tree is all great but is it worth? Well, its up to you to decide. I still cant digest it!
May be, marriage has domesticised me, or has it made me narrow minded? Whatever it is, I dont think it wise to make impulsive decisions in love, then it becomes a game of luck, if you are lucky, you get it right or you are left in the blue!

Oh..those wonderful places..!

There have been times when I have felt myself drift into wonderland when I look at some pictures and most often, those pictures would be of places -absolutely mindblowing places.

Some places just have that magic about them..they are so breath takingly beautiful that it is hard to imagine they exist. Exist, they do..and here is a proof for that..!

Friends and more...

I wrote this a few months back....

Writers note: On a day when life dint seem perfect, I felt the urge to write the following piece.. My mind was reeling under the weight of so many thoughts. So putting them in words has helped lighten my mind. I know, it wouldnt make reading easy! At every stage, I have just written whatever I felt like. There will be no consistency in style or method of explanation. Past & present tenses, active & passive voices, first hand accounts and just plain speculations merge with ideas..So dear reader...happy reading!! :)

Friend
I once had a friend. Well, in the context of friends we dont use past tense unless there has been a fight so bad that you start calling each other enemies..
There are exceptions though..

A Friend
After knowing each other's existence for a while, we started talking. Then, we started talking more. The more we talked, the more comfortable we felt with each other. We became friends and life would never be the same again. Its a wonderful feeling to have a friend. I think a statement like this is an irrelevant one. After all, what I have stated is nothing but the obvious. Still, I must mention it, because it is indeed an indescribable yet wonderful feeling.

Of Understanding
Whenever there is something to say, you rush to your friend. Well, that's the case even if there is nothing that needs to be said. Needless to say that your friend also comes to you for anything and everything. In all this there is a lot of understanding and misunderstanding. Sometimes, we understand the silences completely while perfectly misinterpret whats said in words. That is ironic but true. In most cases, we know in the heart of hearts, that the misunderstanding is nothing but that. Still we choose to ignore the heart and go by the external factors. When there is a problem the mind comes into picture and the ego takes over. What would have ended in a small "Sorry" grows into a huge heartache leading to the loss of something priceless ..irreplaceable!
I often wonder why we never have enough courage to go up to our friend ands just tell them how we feel and appologize if wrong or just accept the mistakes of the friend without the requirement of an appology? May be it does not happen all the time, but then its something thats common in friendships.

I understand you as much as I dont...

Of Expectations
I expected you be there in the darkest hour of my life!
But my friend , you know it was unavoidable, who knows it more than you? I have been looking forward to spend time with my family for years now. You were the one who encouraged me with the making this plan of a family vaccation?
Or it could be..You were the one who setup this job interview for me and you know how badly I was looking for this change?
Yet you say I wasnt there for you?
I dint expect you to be so angry with me!
I dint expect you to say all those things to me, your best friend!
I dint expect you to be so.....
Expectation, under the load of which best of friendships get strained.
Why do we expect so much from our friends? Are we capable of fulfilling the same if we were the person on whom so much expectation lay? Even if we are capable of meeting exceeding expectations, are we right in expecting the same from our friends?

I expect that you have no expectation from me..

Of Possessiveness
You dont own me!
I know I dont , but my friend how can I tell you without having to tell you in as many words that I cant accept the fact that you give more of your time to someone else?
But the truth is I dont! I give you more time my friend..
Maybe you do, but that cant stop me from feeling completely at loss when you are not around me when I need you.
Possessiveness is not a quality commonly associated with friendships. But it has to be admitted that it is not a quality alien to friendships. Many a friendship has disintegrated due to this one destructive quality.
Its a complicated emotion! When you like someone and someone likes you , its perfect. When you love someone and someone loves you again it can be perfect. But it is when this feeling lies somewhere in the dangerous waters of friendship that all problems arise.

Possessiveness is a quality I hate to possess..

On friendship
Well, all this goes back to just one thought. How do you define a friendship? Do friends love each other? Or is it that they like each other? Or does it lie in the earlier mentioned unchartable territory(something like a no man's land between nations?).

I love you my friend but not as much as I like you..

So why did I say I once had a friend? Due to one or all of the reasons. After writing all this I feel, I once had a friend. I always will have a friend just as I have one now.

To all my friends with love (or something like it).

A lady... did you say?

That tastes funny..!

Its often funny how a lot of our experiences are directly related to the food we eat/ate.
I had a rather wierd experience in a restaurant recently..

I had fallen ill and had been to the doctor.
Now, thoroughly inspired by the doc, who had asked me to eat a lot of fresh vegetables and fruits,I chose a salad to eat along with a sandwich. (I should have known then, it was the recipe for disaster) .When I ate a little of the salad,I felt there was something wrong with it. ( Well..like they say...its all in the mind..I thought ). I ignored not just the obvious signs of chances of spoilt food but also the salad and continued eating the sandwich. After a point, I tasted the salad again, this time I couldnt close my eyes (or my tastebuds) to the fact that it was indeed spoilt. I could no more accept the bad taste in the salad as its original taste ( which is what I normally do anyway) . Many times, I would've ignored the awful taste and just left it untouched. Today was a day I felt, where I had to do something about this (well may be I saw some movie that inspired me???) ..I called one of the waiters serving and told him very politely that the salad is spoilt. He looked shocked for a minute and then *very* promptly brought the bill.
Well..I thought..What did I expect anyway? An appology? Ha!

I was in the least amused and in no mood to forgive. I waved at another waiter, managed to get his attention and asked him to come over to my table. He came rather reluctantly, before he could say anything I said, Please realise, I am telling you ,the food you just served is SPOILT.
He looked at me as if I accused him of cheating on his wife!! He started stammering as if to his wife (that is ofcourse if he had indeed done the earlier mentioned action)

Suddenly my friend who was with me decided I had taken it a little too far (without much result ofcourse). In a very business-like manner he started.. was this salad made now or sometime earlier in the day? (..."earlier in the Week" I thought , seemed more appropriate to the taste ).
For this the waiter diligently replied..no sir, it was just made.
(ha! What did my friend think anyway? The waiter would tell him that actually, it was never meant to be a salad.
What could be the story??.......
The waiter had made Rajma & chawal at home for breakfast on monday morning, there was a little left over rajma which he dint want to throw away, so he put it away. On Wednesday night, his wife cooked some macroni for the kids, again, she put the leftovers aside. On saturday, he came to work as usual..but unfortuntley for him, the main salad- maker was on leave. But the salads were popular and priced high. He needed to do something, he thought of the rajama n macaroni..Eureka ....he knew how salads were made.. Rushed home mixed the two..added some mayonnaise..viola...Salad was ready to be served!! )

By the time I came back from my fanatasy trip, I had missed a lot of conversation.
Then again I hadnt missed much either, 'cos either party was still stuck at its earlier stance.

Instead of accepting the food was indeed bad, the waiter chose to make it all look innocent, which made it worse. I wish I could just catch him by his throat and make him admit (gosh! I watch too many Hindi movies I believe)
Suddenly, my friend had had enough of it, he said ok, pack it...

I was dazed?? Pack it ?? For what?? Poisoning the boss??
I dint understand the next sequence as if in a typical art movie.
I saw the waiter gleefully dashing away with the bowl of salad (May be his wife forgave him ? I thought stupidly...actually he looked so happy and relieved ..may be his wife offered to divorce him??)
Ok I admit, I was not thinking straight, this whole packing thing had thrown me off the orbit.
On receiving the parcel, I finally asked my friend...So what was that all about??? He grinned sheepishly and replied..Well, I meant, pack that , we'll get it tested. I dint quite hear the "We'll get it tested " though..nor does it seem has our happy (divorced?) waiter.

Well...What can I say? As I silently walked out of the restaurant carrying poison for my friend's boss, all I could think of, was the death of the activist in me!
What a sad death at that...( it could be 'cos I was under-nourished..after all it was MY salad)

I am what I choose to be

I must warn you before you read, my blogs are going to be as varied as can be (or extremely similar!). Thats 'cos, everyday is ruled by a different emotion. I may feel extreme despair one day about the state of things, while another day I would be happily singing about the beauty of life. So, be warned!
My friend told me very recently, you say, you are what you choose to be .. but hey I think you are not.. Take today for eg, You are not well and you are unhappy about it. Here is how I reasoned, I probably (invariably!) have chosen to be unhappy today, feel a little sick (for some variety in life!). Well, all I can say is I was laughed at and quite rightly so.
Life is full of contradictions and yeah, may be I epitomise the contradictions called life. After all, I am what I choose to be??

Sense 'n' Sensitivity

Reason is a state of mind or is it really? Sense is when we do things right..isnt it? Sensitivity comes from within..doesnt it? Too many questions I believe. Are there answers?
I was travelling in an auto-rickshaw one day, a day no different from any other. I was as usual, pre-occupied with my own thoughts. Suddenly, in a traffic signal, a small child thrust a packet of ear-buds on my face. I waved off the child, only half-comprehending what was happening. Suddenly the child started crying mildly and pulling my dupatta. I looked at him and my heart stopped for a moment. Somewhere in the distance I heard the auto-driver say, "go away boy..its their usual tactic madam, they do this with all the people". The dilemma was all mine, My heart said ,I had to buy those ear-buds. But would it be the right thing to do, my mind asked? Am I encouraging begging, no!! my heart reasoned, this is not begging, he was just trying to sell. I took a 10 rupee note and gave him, he happily gave me the ear-buds and rushed to the next auto before the signal turned green. I felt my insides churning. What was it that I was feeling so guilty about? Was it the fact that though I been through this situation a million times before (felt terrible too) had never bothered to do something about it?
It does make sense for me to think, begging should never be encouraged. The child was technically begging here, in the guise of selling something. It can in no terms be described as selling, as the emotion on his face was one that would evict pity. Pitiable. If I buy something from him, immediately I'll be swarmed by many others who would also incidently offer me more ear-buds (which happened too). So here I am encouraging begging, even though the whole idea of distributing those ear-buds to be sold were to eradicate just that.
Its a disturbing thought.
I wonder about the small boy who came and caught my dupatta. What could've happened in his 5 years of existence that lead him to get so desperate. The answer is obvious, he is no beggar, he is no thief. He doesnt want to sell those ear-buds too. Would he even know what they are used for? Had he been born into my family, he would be probably sitting on my lap or pulling my dupatta to buy him an ice-cream. He was plain un-lucky to have either been born poor or for being forced to do begging by the grown-ups around him. What if he were also set targets on a daily basis (like they have in the big companies- sales targets). What if the reason he cried was because he would get beaten up if he doesnt achieve his targets ?( thats the bonus cut) Or he had to go hungry for the day because of that?
I'd rather break the rule and encourage the young boy rather than live with the thought of how un-happy he would be otherwise. Maybe the 10 rupee wouldnt make much difference to him (the managers make all the money even if you acheive targets), but then again..Maybe it does??(a promotion on cards?) .
But there is one thing I promise, as long as there are little children on the road, I'll need to clean my ears.......

Now for an Intro,,

I remember the day I started the Blog, deeply disturbed, unable to think straight, I had somehow managed to grab a title for my Blog, that seemed suitable enough. But very honestly, its only now that I have cooled down enough to write an introduction for the blog.
Firstly, let me introduce myself. I am just like any other normal human being, but then again how many human beings are normal? There starts a series of endless contradictions called ME.
Reasons 2 think is not about any specific issue or feeling. Its an amalgamation of all the beautiful feelings that a person has. (Here, beautiful is as beautiful does ) :)
Undeniable Happiness, extreme sorrow, unbearable anguish... any genuinely deep emotion has a place here.
Any issue that affects - as the cliche goes...good, bad or ugly!
Let me keep this short, really short, until next time...bye bye :)

Democracy, I cry for you..!

My heart is filled with fury..! Is this the same country I was born in? The country about which I was taught in school and strongly beleived "What makes India Unique is its diverse and pluralistic society and its acceptance of people of all caste,creed,color,religion and language as they are" .
Ha!! Then, this is just not the same country anymore. This is a country where a voice of reason is targeted at and threatened with violence at its rawest form.
Take the recent issue of the Narmada Bachao Andolan (NBA) . The cause for which the NBA activists are fighting for, is a noble one. But hey, who-ever said any cause (noble or otherwise ) requires approval from certain sections of the society to be put forward?
What is right or wrong in a society where an attempt by an activist to draw attention to the cause at hand by a hunger-strike is counter attacked by a political outfit with a similar hunger-strike( besides a lot of vandalising and threats, ofcourse)?
Rehabilitating people displaced by the construction of the dam is a primary responsibility of the Government, which is what Medha Patkar is trying to highlight with her non-violent protest. If anybody has any kind of reservations against the issue at hand, (be it anyone..politicians or others) then it must be solved by the method of debate and talks as is done in a civilised society.
Amir Khan, as a concerned and responsible citizen of the country lent his support to the cause of NBA. But here again, he had to bear the brunt of being a celebrity. He had his posters and effigies burnt and slogans were shouted at him. Cinemas displaying his movies were attacked.
Is this the way to react to an opinion put forward by person in a democratic society?

Democracy, Why disgrace yourself in a country where a person cannot voice his or her opinion?
Democracy, Why ruin your legacy, if sane people are threatened, harassed or killed by insane people (who incidently also claim to be your advocates)?
Democracy, Why associate yourself with a country that does not respect non-violent protests against issues that need attention?

This is a nation full of people who were clearly asleep when the very foundations of you,Democracy, was being terminated systematically by communal elements.

Finally, there seems to be an awakening among the educated sections of the society..But hey, dint they know? They are not in a democratic society anymore, they are not allowed to express themselves as that would be exercising a fundamental right (Freedom of Expression)
While they were sleeping democracy had slipped out of their hands..
DEMOCRACY....where are you? they cry .....