I am what I choose to be

I must warn you before you read, my blogs are going to be as varied as can be (or extremely similar!). Thats 'cos, everyday is ruled by a different emotion. I may feel extreme despair one day about the state of things, while another day I would be happily singing about the beauty of life. So, be warned!
My friend told me very recently, you say, you are what you choose to be .. but hey I think you are not.. Take today for eg, You are not well and you are unhappy about it. Here is how I reasoned, I probably (invariably!) have chosen to be unhappy today, feel a little sick (for some variety in life!). Well, all I can say is I was laughed at and quite rightly so.
Life is full of contradictions and yeah, may be I epitomise the contradictions called life. After all, I am what I choose to be??

Sense 'n' Sensitivity

Reason is a state of mind or is it really? Sense is when we do things right..isnt it? Sensitivity comes from within..doesnt it? Too many questions I believe. Are there answers?
I was travelling in an auto-rickshaw one day, a day no different from any other. I was as usual, pre-occupied with my own thoughts. Suddenly, in a traffic signal, a small child thrust a packet of ear-buds on my face. I waved off the child, only half-comprehending what was happening. Suddenly the child started crying mildly and pulling my dupatta. I looked at him and my heart stopped for a moment. Somewhere in the distance I heard the auto-driver say, "go away boy..its their usual tactic madam, they do this with all the people". The dilemma was all mine, My heart said ,I had to buy those ear-buds. But would it be the right thing to do, my mind asked? Am I encouraging begging, no!! my heart reasoned, this is not begging, he was just trying to sell. I took a 10 rupee note and gave him, he happily gave me the ear-buds and rushed to the next auto before the signal turned green. I felt my insides churning. What was it that I was feeling so guilty about? Was it the fact that though I been through this situation a million times before (felt terrible too) had never bothered to do something about it?
It does make sense for me to think, begging should never be encouraged. The child was technically begging here, in the guise of selling something. It can in no terms be described as selling, as the emotion on his face was one that would evict pity. Pitiable. If I buy something from him, immediately I'll be swarmed by many others who would also incidently offer me more ear-buds (which happened too). So here I am encouraging begging, even though the whole idea of distributing those ear-buds to be sold were to eradicate just that.
Its a disturbing thought.
I wonder about the small boy who came and caught my dupatta. What could've happened in his 5 years of existence that lead him to get so desperate. The answer is obvious, he is no beggar, he is no thief. He doesnt want to sell those ear-buds too. Would he even know what they are used for? Had he been born into my family, he would be probably sitting on my lap or pulling my dupatta to buy him an ice-cream. He was plain un-lucky to have either been born poor or for being forced to do begging by the grown-ups around him. What if he were also set targets on a daily basis (like they have in the big companies- sales targets). What if the reason he cried was because he would get beaten up if he doesnt achieve his targets ?( thats the bonus cut) Or he had to go hungry for the day because of that?
I'd rather break the rule and encourage the young boy rather than live with the thought of how un-happy he would be otherwise. Maybe the 10 rupee wouldnt make much difference to him (the managers make all the money even if you acheive targets), but then again..Maybe it does??(a promotion on cards?) .
But there is one thing I promise, as long as there are little children on the road, I'll need to clean my ears.......

Now for an Intro,,

I remember the day I started the Blog, deeply disturbed, unable to think straight, I had somehow managed to grab a title for my Blog, that seemed suitable enough. But very honestly, its only now that I have cooled down enough to write an introduction for the blog.
Firstly, let me introduce myself. I am just like any other normal human being, but then again how many human beings are normal? There starts a series of endless contradictions called ME.
Reasons 2 think is not about any specific issue or feeling. Its an amalgamation of all the beautiful feelings that a person has. (Here, beautiful is as beautiful does ) :)
Undeniable Happiness, extreme sorrow, unbearable anguish... any genuinely deep emotion has a place here.
Any issue that affects - as the cliche goes...good, bad or ugly!
Let me keep this short, really short, until next time...bye bye :)