I wrote this a few months back....
Writers note: On a day when life dint seem perfect, I felt the urge to write the following piece.. My mind was reeling under the weight of so many thoughts. So putting them in words has helped lighten my mind. I know, it wouldnt make reading easy! At every stage, I have just written whatever I felt like. There will be no consistency in style or method of explanation. Past & present tenses, active & passive voices, first hand accounts and just plain speculations merge with ideas..So dear reader...happy reading!! :)
Friend
I once had a friend. Well, in the context of friends we dont use past tense unless there has been a fight so bad that you start calling each other enemies..
There are exceptions though..
A Friend
After knowing each other's existence for a while, we started talking. Then, we started talking more. The more we talked, the more comfortable we felt with each other. We became friends and life would never be the same again. Its a wonderful feeling to have a friend. I think a statement like this is an irrelevant one. After all, what I have stated is nothing but the obvious. Still, I must mention it, because it is indeed an indescribable yet wonderful feeling.
Of Understanding
Whenever there is something to say, you rush to your friend. Well, that's the case even if there is nothing that needs to be said. Needless to say that your friend also comes to you for anything and everything. In all this there is a lot of understanding and misunderstanding. Sometimes, we understand the silences completely while perfectly misinterpret whats said in words. That is ironic but true. In most cases, we know in the heart of hearts, that the misunderstanding is nothing but that. Still we choose to ignore the heart and go by the external factors. When there is a problem the mind comes into picture and the ego takes over. What would have ended in a small "Sorry" grows into a huge heartache leading to the loss of something priceless ..irreplaceable!
I often wonder why we never have enough courage to go up to our friend ands just tell them how we feel and appologize if wrong or just accept the mistakes of the friend without the requirement of an appology? May be it does not happen all the time, but then its something thats common in friendships.
I understand you as much as I dont...
Of Expectations
I expected you be there in the darkest hour of my life!
But my friend , you know it was unavoidable, who knows it more than you? I have been looking forward to spend time with my family for years now. You were the one who encouraged me with the making this plan of a family vaccation?
Or it could be..You were the one who setup this job interview for me and you know how badly I was looking for this change?
Yet you say I wasnt there for you?
I dint expect you to be so angry with me!
I dint expect you to say all those things to me, your best friend!
I dint expect you to be so.....
Expectation, under the load of which best of friendships get strained.
Why do we expect so much from our friends? Are we capable of fulfilling the same if we were the person on whom so much expectation lay? Even if we are capable of meeting exceeding expectations, are we right in expecting the same from our friends?
I expect that you have no expectation from me..
Of Possessiveness
You dont own me!
I know I dont , but my friend how can I tell you without having to tell you in as many words that I cant accept the fact that you give more of your time to someone else?
But the truth is I dont! I give you more time my friend..
Maybe you do, but that cant stop me from feeling completely at loss when you are not around me when I need you.
Possessiveness is not a quality commonly associated with friendships. But it has to be admitted that it is not a quality alien to friendships. Many a friendship has disintegrated due to this one destructive quality.
Its a complicated emotion! When you like someone and someone likes you , its perfect. When you love someone and someone loves you again it can be perfect. But it is when this feeling lies somewhere in the dangerous waters of friendship that all problems arise.
Possessiveness is a quality I hate to possess..
On friendship
Well, all this goes back to just one thought. How do you define a friendship? Do friends love each other? Or is it that they like each other? Or does it lie in the earlier mentioned unchartable territory(something like a no man's land between nations?).
I love you my friend but not as much as I like you..
So why did I say I once had a friend? Due to one or all of the reasons. After writing all this I feel, I once had a friend. I always will have a friend just as I have one now.
To all my friends with love (or something like it).
